I always become reflective during the last day or two and the first day of two of a new year. I think its part of being goal oriented and also a side-effect of performing alot of psychoanalysis on myself over the course of my life.
Yesterday a post came through a Facebook group from someone that I met at a retreat I attended for survivors of domestic abuse. It made me more reflective of my past than I have been for the past few years. I’ve always kept that part of myself hidden and separate from the new me that emerged 7 years ago. But yesterday I shared that post on my own Facebook feed. Well scratch that. I shared it and when I saw that it brought forward the domestic violence themed page that it was originally shared from, I deleted the post, downloaded the quote and made my own post. Not everyone will understand that post I created without the context the original post had, but its progress. Its not that I am any longer ashamed of my past. I’ve spoken freely of it when it seemed appropriate or when it seemed I could help someone else. My excuse is that that there is still a stigma that is applied to women who have lived with domestic violence. I hear comments that people look upon them as weak or inferior in some way. I still have this irrational fear that this might harm my career for some reason. But in the same thought I know that it is the shame that allows domestic violence to continue in many instances.
I had a wonderful counselor for a few months before I left my domestic violence situation and then for a few years after I continued to see her. She wasn’t the first counselor I had turned to but the first counselor I had met that really seemed to understand what I was going through. She got the trauma that had been and was still real for me even after I had disentangled myself. Through my conversations with her she helped me see the event that kept me stuck for so long. When it became clear that I wouldn’t be seeing her much longer she suggested that I could use my experience to help other women who are still stuck. She suggested I could do some form of outreach and share my experience. I told her that I didn’t want domestic violence to define my life. I had moved on and I didn’t want to be ‘that woman’ who was a survivor of domestic violence. And I still don’t.
So I’m not sure if this blog post will even be published here on my blog that is supposed to be about travel but has reverted back to a feelings blog like my last one. As I worked through my feelings yesterday I thought ‘I will post about this on my old blog’, the one where it was appropriate to talk about domestic violence. But here I am hanging it all out on this ‘new me’ blog.
But the thing is, my experiences have defined me and will always color how I look at the world and events in my life. Its funny how one seemingly minute Facebook post could send me whirling back in time. I texted that quote to another woman I had met at that retreat that I haven’t spoken to in 3 years just because I was ‘busy’ and she hadn’t reached out to me. She replied pretty quickly and I was reminded that some people are still stuck, maybe.
Meanwhile, my 2017 was filled with peace in my home I didn’t know was possible 10 years ago and the love of a man the likes of which I never thought existed. This year we tried para-sailing, hang gliding, joined a pitch league, brought chickens into our lives, lost a beloved dog and cat and found a new dog. I also had spine surgery in October that has been very successful in eliminating problems I have lived with for 20 years. I could not have opted for this surgery without the support of my husband.
So this new year I had planned a cliché resolution of lose weight and get in shape. That still must happen because during my wedded bliss I’ve managed to accumulate an extra 17 pounds. But maybe I need to think about some way to use my experience to stand with others who are still struggling to break free from being abused by the one person that they had every right to expect to be treated like a queen by. I will ponder that.
Peace out 2017!
Words of Wanderers 